Table of Contents
- Plan Custody & Visitation Early
- Put the Children First
- Communicate Clearly & Use Tools That Help
- Acknowledge Financial Realities
- Take Care of Yourself
- Adjust Expectations & Focus on the Long View
- When to Seek Guidance
The holidays are meant to bring comfort and connection, but for families going through divorce, they can be among the hardest weeks of the year. Custody schedules, travel logistics, and new living arrangements can quickly replace joy with tension. Even small traditions, like trimming the tree or baking together, can raise questions about where and with whom those moments happen.
K. Dean Kantaras, P.A. has worked with families through every stage of this transition. The experience has shown that with early planning, steady communication, and a willingness to adapt, the holidays can still offer warmth and meaning, even when family life is changing.
Plan Custody & Visitation Early
The most practical step is to plan ahead. Review your custody agreement carefully to confirm how holidays are divided. Many court orders alternate major holidays or split longer breaks between parents. If your divorce isn’t final yet, talk with your attorney about setting up a temporary holiday schedule that works for both parents.
Start these discussions as early as possible. Family court calendars tend to fill up quickly toward the end of the year, and waiting until December to resolve a disagreement can leave both parents frustrated. A written agreement, even if temporary, can prevent confusion about pickup times, travel plans, and overnight stays.
Flexibility is also key. Life happens. Relatives visit, flights get delayed, work schedules shift. Showing goodwill by trading days or adjusting plans helps build trust, which pays off long after the holidays end. Many parents find it helpful to focus on the total time shared with their children over the entire season rather than the specific day.
Put the Children First
Children notice more than we think. They absorb the mood in each home and often feel torn about where they should be. The best gift you can give them is reassurance and consistency.
Keep your children out of adult conflicts. Avoid venting about your ex or using them as messengers for logistics. If travel plans change, tell them calmly and together, if possible, so they feel supported.
If this is the first holiday season after separation, it may help to preserve one familiar tradition — baking a favorite dish, visiting grandparents, or watching a certain movie — while adding something new to mark the beginning of a new family rhythm. This helps children understand that family may look different, but it remains whole.
Communicate Clearly & Use Tools That Help
Miscommunication is one of the most common sources of holiday stress between co-parents. Keep plans simple and documented. Shared calendars, co-parenting apps, or even a brief email summary after phone calls can prevent misunderstandings.
If disagreements arise, try to resolve them through positive, direct communication or mediation rather than through the children. Mediators and family law attorneys can help parents clarify unclear provisions or negotiate temporary changes. Taking these steps before tensions rise can save both emotional and financial strain.
When exchanging the children, choose neutral ground, such as a school parking lot or relative’s home, if tensions remain high. The smoother and calmer the handoff, the more secure the children will feel.
Acknowledge Financial Realities
The financial challenge of divorce doesn’t stop for the holidays. Between gifts, travel, and social events, the pressure to maintain old spending habits can be immense. Many parents feel pressure to make up for a difficult year through gifts, but what children value most are moments of calm and connection.
Be realistic about your budget. If child support or spousal support payments affect your holiday spending, plan around those obligations rather than in spite of them. Communicate openly with your co-parent about big purchases so gifts don’t overlap or create tension.
Children remember shared experiences more than expensive gifts. A local holiday market, a home-cooked dinner, or a day trip can be just as meaningful. Reframing what “holiday joy” looks like under new financial circumstances can relieve pressure on everyone involved.
Take Care of Yourself
Divorce is not just a legal process; it’s an emotional transition. The holidays can magnify loneliness or grief, especially when traditions are tied to past relationships. Self-care is not indulgent. It’s essential to coping.
Say yes only to the gatherings that feel manageable. Protect quiet time for rest, reflection, or simply doing nothing. Reach out to friends who understand your situation or to a counselor if emotions feel overwhelming. Many people also find perspective in helping others, whether that means volunteering, donating to a toy drive, or spending time with neighbors who may also be alone during the season.
The goal isn’t to recreate the old holidays. It’s to create space for a new version of celebration that reflects where you are now and what matters most.
Adjust Expectations & Focus on the Long View
It’s normal to feel that the holidays have lost something in the wake of divorce. But over time, most families settle into a new rhythm. The first year often brings the steepest learning curve, but future holidays tend to feel less fragile as new patterns emerge.
Try to approach the season as a transition, not a test. What matters most is the message your children take away: that even when life changes, love and connection remain constant.
If co-parenting feels strained, small gestures can help, such as a polite text thanking the other parent for flexibility or simply avoiding confrontational topics. These efforts accumulate over time and set the tone for years ahead.
When to Seek Guidance
You don’t need to navigate this alone. Attorneys who handle family law see the emotional and logistical challenges of the holidays every year. They can help interpret orders, suggest modifications, or connect you with community resources such as counseling or mediation.
K. Dean Kantaras, P.A. has worked with many families through this period of adjustment. The firm understands that no two situations are the same, and that finding peace during the holidays sometimes requires both legal structure and emotional flexibility.
If you have questions about parenting plans, custody schedules, or resolving disputes before the holidays, call us at (727) 939-6113. Our attorneys can help you find solutions that keep your children’s happiness at the center of the season.